Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
