I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I enjoy the company of your penis
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
