Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
