thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
