Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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