im holly from the hills drunk
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
