I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
