you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
