Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
