Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just saw a hot homeless man
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
