Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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