I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
