When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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