Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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