Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
