I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
