Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
