I feel great
I just peed on a car
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
