I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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