So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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