doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
