if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
