my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
