So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
