mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
