No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
