did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
