I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
