glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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