i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
