Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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