just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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