The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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