Need sex. Gaining weight.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
