I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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