erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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