Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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