did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
