How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
