Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You're like the curious george of whores
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
