We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
