She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
