no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
