Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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