this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
