it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
