Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
