my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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