Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
