Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
