i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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